6/29/2024: generally it's a bad idea to start making art as a way to talk about your ex.

im talking to my ex, in a way that. isnt terrible. it's a bad idea to be a traumatized girl and make all your art about yourself and your trauma. to make art as a response to a former lover. for many reasons. i want to shutup about this bullshit. i have a piece about las vegas to finish. i need to go to distros. so i can get money to go kiss my girlfriend. well. theres many steps in-between. going to distros means an obligation, a schedule, a work shift, a separate community.

in february or march 2023 i decided i should be raped. i thought someone hated me. and i was avoiding a community for awhile, this would eventually turn into exile. i found a girl who i didnt think would respect my consent. she did respect it. nonetheless, here i was, with someone listening to me. me and her did knifeplay. later we would watch di gi charat together. i remember eating gyros with her. and drinking whiskey. the person didnt hate me. the exile is eternal, even if i did return i would be in exile. one becomes alive (harmed, but alive) via exile.

6/26/20224. oops!.

trisha called me, from walled heights i came from cave of memory song nights. blaeberry critique. i am a wretched knave. long journey blues. 

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i left standards at around seven am, get home by ten am. dont touch my butt. my brain is weird about it. i dont care if people m0l3st me. i like making people happy. 

the comedic flow isnt high enough. i need the flow, the give and take, the yes/and. 

vc with catherine for all afternoon. 

last night i made a mistake, send my ex a song.

two dms. quoted in liner notes. and an inspiration. odd. 

i figured out music tasks, fl studio experiments. 

"trapped in a house with a monster and forced to play ffxiv to escape".

vc with someone new.