5/22/2024: today was the first in a long time that i looked at some pills and thought about overdosing but they arent even the kind you can do that with im pretty sure but i listened to silly music and vcing with a friend so i feel way better now.

HAS YOUR WORK BROUGHT ANYONE TO TEARS LATELY YOU CONCEITED FUTURE CIA ANALYST?. I DONT THINK SO. MINE HAS. YOU DONT EVEN PUBLISH ANYTHING OTHER THAN ANOTHER MEANINGLESS MARXIST BREAKDOWN ON WHATEVER THE CURRENT TWITTER DISCOURSE IS. IT'S OK TO SAY YOU HAVE FOND MEMORIES FOR AN ALBUM FUELED BY NOSTALGIA AND CONFRONT THE MATERIAL REALITY OF THE MODERN TRANSGENDER MUSIC MAKING SCENE. I FEAR THAT YOU ARE DIFTING INTO A SELF INSULATED POSITION WHERE YOU FORGET TO BE GENUINE AND CRINGE. AUTHENTIC LIFE IS NOT EFFECTIVE ACTION BUT BOY HOWDY DOES IT EVER MAKE YOU MORE GROUNDED AND LESS OF AN ASSHOLE TO LONG TIME FRIENDS. I MAKE FRIENDS. I MAKE ART. I MEND RELATIONSHIPS WHEN I CAN. I EAT A YEOMAN'S BREAKFAST AND MOW THE LAWN AND LISTEN TO 4LUNG AGAIN. I AM A LOSER MAYBE BUT I AM A DOGGY WHO IS FREE. 

i sometimes fear audrey becoming like that one friend, wrapped up in herself and opinions and not admitting shes wrong when she inevitably is (because thats part of being human) and trying to rush through the question to get to the answer and not retreading her footsteps to figure out what her grounding really is. i need to forget she reads this (i think maybe i should be thankful instead of annoyed that she doesnt message me after reading). this is a diary essentially. aurora is portuguese apparently. i am a scared little girl and i need to be comforted sometimes. i think love and hate are important in equal measure when the pressure applied between eachother is in perfect sync. i am a sexual freak with iffy taste and takes sometimes but i know i am this and i know why i am like this.