reflections on religion and also a recipe for a good sauce for hot dog in baguette.

during this past weekend in boulder a man attacked a pro israel demonstration which was ostensively calling for the fifty six (LVI in roman numerals) hostages held by hamas to be released. this demonstration and those like it of course are not really about the hostages, they are the states' own simonino di trento. the attack resulted in no deaths and a dozen injuries (XII in roman numerals). the man responsible has one hundred and eighteen charges set against him, or CXVIII in roman numerals.

as of june fifth 55,223 palestinians lay dead. this number cannot be represented with roman numerals, a system where in conventional schemes the largest number that can be represented is three thousand, nine hundred, and ninety nine. the death toll for nine eleven is MMCMLXXVII in roman numerals. 

i havent been to a synagogue service in months. and i am not sure if i want to. 

i still censor g-d. i still avoid work on shabbat. i havent eaten pork in four years.

what am i.

the sauce is made of olive oil, horseradish, pepper, garam masala, indian silphium, salt, dijon mustard, mayonnaise, fried garlic, goat cheese, white wine, and any drippings from the hot dog.

on monday my boss asked me if i knew anyone harmed in the attacks. i said "i dont tend to hangout with people who are vocally zionist". this i hope is not an answer that is going to get me fired down the line. on past friday an old gay latino man who worked at the grocery store for fourteen years was fired. this was not for no reason, however it was also a coup. he was technically doing time theft. this however i did not care about. as long as we got out on time or at least before ten and he pulled his weight at least a bit he was fine in my book. he would smoke weed and drink with me and other people after work. most of them coworkers, one was someone who use to work at the grocery store (who is now banned from the store grounds). 

my boss played ween today. 

you make the sauce by using a food processor.

as of june fifth 55,223 palestinians lay dead. this number cannot be represented with roman numerals.

i met a multiplicity of women last weekend, who lives in the mountains. i kissed its hand and spoke in electric whispers for three days. i see this multiplicity tomorrow.

this sauce is not kosher, technically. i dont think i care. i dont think im able to care, it is animal, killed and used for human ends. the multiplicity of women would be vegan if not for other factors. i would be vegan if i didnt wakeup to calm green grass. i would be vegan if my job wasnt cutting up animals. im not sure if i would be vegan. i sure would like to be. 

i dont think i have moral permission to care about much of anything.

i learned yesterday that a girl i once had a long distance relationship with and a girl i once voice called often are both twitter mutuals with a detransitioner who once defended the iron guard (fascist group that was active in romania) and read too much evola. i am not sure if he still does fascist apologetics. i have the feeling she does. i do not respect most detransitioners, most i assume are nazis. i am not sure if i am allowed to care about this. i shouldnt be surprised, or. i allowed myself only a fleeting moment of surprise rather. all things make sense to me now. i have been alive since the late hadean eon. 

you make a hole in a baguette. you fry a hot dog. you toast the baguette in the air fryer that is next to the soda stream that your father bought. your father who does not support israel but nonetheless bought the soda stream. there is no G-d but the one that walter whitman called Freedom. there is no G-d but you HaShem, you who allows these things. 

as of june fifth 55,223 palestinians lay dead. this number cannot be represented.

i am not sure i can care. caring is for those who have not seen field after field of the rotting damned dead. i hope i can love this multiplicity of women. there has been a feeling i forgot in my heart. the feeling of those who arent entirely broken.

i did dishes at work today. i listened to music. the gen x man who led the coup looked like an animal running with a towel in his backpocket. theres already replacements for the lost manpower that was once the old gay man, the old gay man who i assumed was alive and active during the aids crisis. 

as of june fifth MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMCCXXIII palestinians lay dead.

you put the sauce in the hole. you put the hot dog in the hole. you watch asterix and obelix as you eat it. 

as of june fifth i began reading ulysses with a woman.

as of june fifth the world goes on. and on. and on.