tomorrow i will apply to jobs.
we got up at ten forty or so. i hungout with her for awhile, got up and watched the first episode because we started at the eighth last night. it was a long night. we also finished bocchi. it was good to see belén again. we got chicken and donuts and ate well. made her roommate read Kimberly Johnson. belén has a figurine of Jolyne Cujoh. me and belén cuddled, it was alright. it wasnt truly heavenly but i did like it. i have a deep loneliness and i always will, nothing will make me feel truly close to another woman. i got thinking about figurines and cumming on them, thinking about thrix. set up some polls "pro, anti, or huh" about cumming on figurines in discord servers. then made a google form for it. here are the results from fifty three people.
i bus'd back home because wasnt sure if ok to say hi to girls at friendhaus because didnt get a message back.
i talked to belén's roommate and liked talking to her. she gave me a doctor pepper. i saw a box of pepsi on top of a trash can, not open or anything. what was the deal there.
belén drived me to union station. hugged goodbye. shes moving out of her place soon. back to family.
dad picked me up from table mesa, had to move sage's things to backseat. got home and vc'd on wh1mcord with various girls including S and C. played risk of rain two with S, it was fun.
later i jerked off. well first i posted on lex and added on discord a girl who was pro cumming on figurines. i jerked off, at one point i positioned m-fops as if she was smelling my balls and was imagining that she was me.
how can i get more energy.
just had a bismarck.
after jerking off watched more stone ocean. now on vc with val.
i wish i had came on her face, it wouldve been cute. i understand plushie fucking now. i think i will cum on m-fops' face next time. d1rty l1ttle slvt she is.
i absorb what i like from others. i have no self.
talked with thorn a bit today.
idk man, what am i doing. i cant sit around and let life pass me by.
belén passed out last night as was watching stone ocean.
shes a cute girl.
women find me hot and i dont understand it most of the time. i need to get on injections.
i need a living kind of life.
i shouldve written a poem about jerking off and cumming on anime girl figurines.
i wrote a poem yesterday that i think is good and isnt really about recent events.
it uses a line from mew's poetry.
i did some ink brush art last night.
i am unsure what to do. the summer is a curse.
sweaty.
i think i understand why some girls like being hurt right now.
i understand many things.
i dont think me and thorn are really getting back together, it doesnt see relationships that way and i feel like a child. i am the scaffolding that other women build themselves on, im like if training wheels were a girlfriend.
thats negative self talk. i should be happy to exist. i should be happy to be here. i should be happy to cum on a plushie's face.
maybe i will become a true freak. i want to be hurt because i think i deserve it now. i wish i had a different life. what am i. whats happened to me. i gotta rebuild myself. i am. a thing that exists and idk what to do with that.
im not sure when ill be able to hangout with thorn again, if ever.
it will be fine. i will be fine. there are people who have worse lives.
im gonna watch more anime, shower, and then passout probably.
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