5/23/2024: jewish jihad against punk rock lolis.

in november 2022 i was in the car of a girl who was playing lolicore music. in may 2024 i was inside allen ginsberg's apartment complex. a girl says "sir thats my emotional support gender swap age regressor loli", recounting a post like a poet. this is in the allen ginsberg memorial apartment complex and transgender wartime trauma surgery center.

i think my girlfriend needs a exoskeleton mounted flak gun. i think my girlfriend needs a lot of things. including but not limited to: tetra wife hugs, medication for peaceful nocturne rest, and to never pay for anything. usually when im this tired id get worried that people dislike me. i dont tonight. ok so whatever some losers might not like me but theyre not my wife so who gives a shit.

i shouldve said brittle memories. that works much better. there was a point to this entry. something about mob mentality in conjunction with fake channer coordinated mass reporting. seeking certainty: please not another fucking callout thread by a fifteen year old regarding 4lung fanart and sidestep talking about the mass citizen arrests or army corruption or well, arent i doing the same via complaining?. welcome to the "tetra hyperfixates on an inane subject because to her it is allegory for her and others treatment by petty losers larping as community cops" show on this weeks radio hour.

i wish i could age regress because it would piss off so many fuckers who are overly concerned with others private matters.

strawberry lemon bars with lavender frosting and a bit of candied ginger on top. think about it.

im a scared little girl, somewhere between the ages of seven to fourteen. and despite this fact i still ask my girlfriend if id like a horror film knowing full well that only rasai or israfel could drag me to see it. i havent hungout with israfel in a year but i trust her more than friends ive had going back three or four years.

man im an ezra pound and 4lung fan who made a late night stop at allen ginsberg's apartment block, my girlfriend is three years younger than me, and i write poetry; how the fuck have i not been called a predator yet?.

oh yeah i gotta call the dentist to reschedule an appointment again so i can hangout with the girls.

ok it's nearly four am so i should really try to aim for at least a few hours of sleep.

i dedicate this, as always to g-d and audrey.

5/22/2024: today was the first in a long time that i looked at some pills and thought about overdosing but they arent even the kind you can do that with im pretty sure but i listened to silly music and vcing with a friend so i feel way better now.

HAS YOUR WORK BROUGHT ANYONE TO TEARS LATELY YOU CONCEITED FUTURE CIA ANALYST?. I DONT THINK SO. MINE HAS. YOU DONT EVEN PUBLISH ANYTHING OTHER THAN ANOTHER MEANINGLESS MARXIST BREAKDOWN ON WHATEVER THE CURRENT TWITTER DISCOURSE IS. IT'S OK TO SAY YOU HAVE FOND MEMORIES FOR AN ALBUM FUELED BY NOSTALGIA AND CONFRONT THE MATERIAL REALITY OF THE MODERN TRANSGENDER MUSIC MAKING SCENE. I FEAR THAT YOU ARE DIFTING INTO A SELF INSULATED POSITION WHERE YOU FORGET TO BE GENUINE AND CRINGE. AUTHENTIC LIFE IS NOT EFFECTIVE ACTION BUT BOY HOWDY DOES IT EVER MAKE YOU MORE GROUNDED AND LESS OF AN ASSHOLE TO LONG TIME FRIENDS. I MAKE FRIENDS. I MAKE ART. I MEND RELATIONSHIPS WHEN I CAN. I EAT A YEOMAN'S BREAKFAST AND MOW THE LAWN AND LISTEN TO 4LUNG AGAIN. I AM A LOSER MAYBE BUT I AM A DOGGY WHO IS FREE. 

i sometimes fear audrey becoming like that one friend, wrapped up in herself and opinions and not admitting shes wrong when she inevitably is (because thats part of being human) and trying to rush through the question to get to the answer and not retreading her footsteps to figure out what her grounding really is. i need to forget she reads this (i think maybe i should be thankful instead of annoyed that she doesnt message me after reading). this is a diary essentially. aurora is portuguese apparently. i am a scared little girl and i need to be comforted sometimes. i think love and hate are important in equal measure when the pressure applied between eachother is in perfect sync. i am a sexual freak with iffy taste and takes sometimes but i know i am this and i know why i am like this.