it's christmas day.

"I tried a cigar once, didnt like it.

it tasted bad and was hard to eat"

- Gertrude-sama.

last night i called with Temperance-san, Þorn, and Gertrude-sama along with Temperance-san's partners. it wasnt planned, just ended up calling late at night. Þorn usually goes to bed at six to eight at the latest, kept it up until after midnight. passed out on call. me and family headed to another house right now for christmas dinner. i would rather be on public transit in new york city. monday and tuesday were days of work. the young anarchist jazz pianist doesnt dislike me as much anymore i think. probably because we are bound together by hauling meat and cheese to a freezer truck after the power at the grocery store went down. he believes in the power of art still, i wish i believed in the power of art too. 

finished Engine Summer on tuesday and what a book, what a book. i have to imagine that if i was a professor i would somehow find a way to assign it as reading.

today i finished watching Chobits and love, what a thing love is.

im listening to Cameron Winter and this guy is good. 

i love you, i love you.

sometimes you jerk off and then read good poetry but it doesnt hit you because of depression. my life is a life of jerking off too much. 

i would go driving around if i could drive, id go driving across america and pull over and photograph houses and hills. 

you can look at the eyes of a cow online and even then you realize it is deserving of life. how much longer can i persist in this unethical life of meat and cheese.

im nearly twenty five, looking back being twenty was how most people feel at fourteen, im not sure what i feel like right now. if i could be a depressed grad student i would be. think of how many years of various existences have been spent transcribing texts. 

i have been thinking of becoming an air stewardess lately. i dont have what it takes but maybe for a few months it would be fun.

everyone in the industry of planes wants to fuck planes a friend said. i want to fuck the experience of air travel. 

we have arrived at the other house, i want to listen to music with Þorn. 

a problem is that im use to loving women and creatures that are far away, you start to measure matters of the heart in time zone differences eventually. i am trying to write poetry about anime.