it's over, and. im not feeling anything.

Margo Bough please don't read this one.

it feels like it's over. i dont know in what way. or what "it" is really. but. it feels like it's over. i guess my relationship with thorn. i am too tired. i dont feel anything. it has been more than a month since our relationship was like what it was in those days. and it's been a month since i lashed out. i had an awful two weeks. then another awful two weeks. but tired ones. i dont remember this month. i hate this month. i guess i was effectively Margo's partner for a year. and then. i fucked it up because i couldnt communicate. and. because of thorns own stuff. and. i dont know. i dont know. i am scared. and tired. i thought that this relationship could be fixed or something but im not so sure. im not sure. i dont know if i want to fix it. i want it to reply to a message i sent but also not really. i dont know how to say "you hurt me accidentally and i didnt say anything because i repressed everything and then i lashed out, fucked up, traumatized you, then. we had weird sex later and i got clingy and youre going through a lot and i dont want to press upon your mind and i dont recognize you anymore. and i want what we had back but also what we had wasnt good and wasnt as good as it could be. and what the fuck. what the fuck. i am scared scared scared and havent had enough sleep".