L went on ahead without me and i am mad about that.
yesterday was good though. today is hell. went down to Denver with Q, we then went and picked up A. me and Q went to gas station because A wasn't ready. got six hundred grand. felt better, i played Q some of my weird music. drove down and talking with Q and A was fun. S told me Thorn was sick and so might not be at picnic. it wasn't there, this might be good. later i'd write a poem of poems on watercolor paper for it.
i am at Shiv's place now. on the fifth. and i am something. L has her feet on me.
i got angry at thorn for sleeping with but i cannot complain truly. i can complain because id like to have had a talk or something, screwing old friends i dont know about all that and i am royally screwed because i screwed it royally by not saying "i need to be alone with you because this week has been a week of week and i am not yet used to this idea, id prefer to just do art together with her and you".
and now i am writing for thorn when i should be writing for myself.
the past week i watched the worst of the worst. yesterday we went to Denver and sucked tits in a park and got chicken nuggets for Rose. got cream bars but A bought them. we forced M to socialize. it was so good to see her. we have adhd meds to pickup. kissed women. need to hangout with ragdoll. rambled on down to whole foods with L and A. i kissed a girl's tummy at picnic but forgot her name. i feel like part of me being a slut is some veiled attempt at getting back at thorn even though i know it doesnt care.
i am going to play a ttrpg now. will keep a log for more.
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