not a usual relationship.

idk man this isnt a normal relationship i had. today didnt feel like a breakup. it didnt really feel like any futures were being cut or foreclosed. saw a tweet that says "not to be a faggot but something that sucks about breaking up with someone is that there's like a microcosm of things you can no longer share. a subset of the world that would remind u of the person that you now just have to hold onto urself" but. it doesnt feel like that. it feels like i messed up and thorn is disappointed in me but still cares about me and wants me to be better because i guess it still loves me maybe. idk. each of us withholding affection in the worry of slipping back into the old habits. wanting to breath. it doesnt feel like a relationship in the way humans say relationship. it feels unnamable. but i am a foolish poet. i. i need to say love you less even though it's true. i dont want it to be uncomfortable around me. it feels like a pause and something better might bloom.