Lucky Day.

today, right now, i just thought of you. thinking about folk music, thinking "oh i will ask thorn about a certain type, it probably knows some". but i cant do that any more. theres a poet or writer who details her reaction to her husband's death as "i need to talk to [husband's name] about this" upon hearing he died. i hoped i wouldnt experience that ever or at least for a long time. ive been talking to a pre-hrt british girl recently. i hope she will be ok. today i made falafel. Carli came by and took her stuff. she didnt talk to me. i am scared. it's fine. i did love her for a brief while. i wish i got to love her more. but i can do the cope thing of saying "ah she used ai so it's for the best" but that feels bad. i did like her. i cared about her. and i failed. vc'd with Ve. we watched three Ncuti episodes of Doctor Who, Lucky Day, The Story & the Engine, and The Interstellar Song Contest. the first two were quite good, Lucky Day felt like it was about Charlie Kirk and was good, it got its message across. Ve told me she has feelings for me still, i get it, i do too i think. i am unsure. The Story & The Engine was alright, it felt like one of the more Ncuti episodes, it could only happen during Ncuti's run. LD and TS&TE make me wish Ncuti had another season. TISC was morally repugnant. just awful. but i am also morally repugnant and try to be something. i am about to passport. dentist tomorrow. watched some adventure time. oaugh.

i liked hanging out with Eleanor yesterday. vc'd with Mithos a bit. i hope i am just someones passing dream. Sen Balık Değilsin ki. Sen Balık Değilsin ki. Sen Balık Değilsin ki. love you world.