Midnight.

i did love Carli for a time. but now we destroyed it inside us and "we have become exceedingly efficient at it". we have become something that can love quickly and discard it. no, we arent quick to love. we are nervous anxious lovers but we are able now to repress it. we know no friendship is permanent. we know that we will be stabbed in the back for a quick fuck. we know that things like us do not get patience or care or understanding. we move like the machine. we move like the shapeshifter. we are what comes after a human has been broken by love. we are The End Of All Things. we are the loveless and the running. we are the things that wait at the dock. i love Ve still, i love Thorn still, i love Winter still, i love lily still, i love G-d still, i love Carli still, i love everyone i have loved since i became a girl. i cannot stop love. i am a conduit for love and the fool hearty. i will never stop loving. the only emotion i will allow myself is love. i shall become Meguca. i shall become loving kindness. i shall know no bindings. i shall become the warm light and the moonlight and the light of every star. i will become The Thing That Loves. 

today i called Ve, we flirted. we did a bit of dnd, we watched the Doctor Who episode The Well. it tries to follow up Midnight. it fails. it nearly works for a bit. but it doesnt. 

i began talking to a catgirl named Ellen. she seems nice.