only god can judge me and more by ajj, but only the first six songs because i wanted to listen to something else. a lot of punk kids want to be like this band, for good reason, it's good music. the problem is that punk kids (by that i mean anyone from the age of fifteen to twenty nine or so) are still fundamentally punk kids when they try to do music. most punk music isnt very good. punk music, along with the posters, pamphlets, blog posts, diy venue bathroom graffiti, and other ephemera that gets caught by historians is however useful material to tell us a story of a life of a period. in punks pursuit of being authentic all it came to be was a record of alienated youth life and not an actual political program. we cant say "punk is [blank]", it has had plenty of rapists, abusers, racists, homophobes, chasers, transphobes, groomers, and such forth. if punk was a program at anypoint then it would be an attempt to be transgressive, this is a mission that is going to be contradictory to itself. transgressive isnt really anything, it's about pissing people off and theres a lot of people. i dont think the main character in repo man (the 1984 alex cox film with photography by robby müller) really becomes unalienated or starts living an authentic life, maybe at the end but thats only done by an unexplainable event that goes beyond humankinds understanding, so thats just eschatology probably. i think living an authentic life matters, however what authentic is conceptualized as is hard to say, and thats putting aside the question of if it exists or can exist. i read a bit of revolt of the masses today. i think i shouldve gotten that book. it was eight dollars. ill find a file later. i got a book for five dollar "donation" about aliens and "ancient indian religion" from a hare krishna guy, white guy in his thirties calling himself a monk. is he living an authentic life?, is he plugged into a society of orientalist commodities?, does he know he is stupid and annoying?. if he is living an authentic life then that seems to be an ineffective political strategy. i personally am just planning on making out with some of my friends eventually.
castle rock but small, self titled. this artist is from new jersey apparently. this explains the fact it's emo. i imagine living in new jersey is like living with family at twenty three: bad. it's fine. the opening track is good but thats because i like tea. i made myself an orange red tea because of this. i listened to this twice. you dont need to do that. it's ten minutes long and you get everything in the first go. i think this one i will send a track or two to audrey and then ill delete it off my phone. ok sent some to her. the second track has a part i like. ok. actually, accidentally relistening and this is actually a six out of ten. it's not amazing. but it's something i am able to go "hey this is actually pretty alright" about. theres a filipina in new jersey who sometimes wants to beat me up. i hope shes doing alright. it's not sexual but just because she has anger issues. i think a scale out of one hundred works better than out of ten but if you do that you look like an asshole. oh it's a fifty four?, fuck you. but yeah. five point five out of ten.
this isnt an album review. im just thinking about ice truckers. i think i could only watch an episode or two of it. i live my life dedicated to art. my friend and my girlfriend are watching ice truckers. no one can really make a judgment on these activities because we have all listened to bad punk (2015 mightve been a great year to be a high school trans girl, well it never was but wow you now had two albums by trans women!, against me released last year and now you have 4lung, something maybe better. sorry, having a lot of good trans music isnt going to be a thing until 2018 or so) or watched family guy clips. bad art is a part of human life, actually nevermind this is a review of some songs from that one against me album. it's upbeat and about resistance or something. parts of trues trans soul rebel seem so specifically designed for radio play. the song feels like it's five minutes long despite being just a bit over three minutes. thats not a good thing. unconditional love is something that was made to be sung in pubs, which i dont think florida (?) has. again, the problem with punk is that chumbawamba already existed and they did it all better than them and only a third of their albums could be considered punk. drinking with the jocks tilters between an example of a suburban moms poor understanding of emo music and the dropkick murphys. the osama bin laden song is the worse song about osama bin laden ive ever heard but i got a small dataset to work with unfortunately. it also just makes me want to listen to the dead kennedys instead of this. also im thinking about it and caesars palace is actually a three out of ten. again the sweds shouldnt be allowed to make art until they learn how to be properly depressed. i dont believe it but my brain is telling me to call fuckmylife666 chaser poetry, thats not at all true but it is boring and bland. "barberwire dress" is a good line however. oh thank fuck only four songs left after this. one of my friends said they wanted to write a chapbook called i believe all my friends keep dying in their twenties. that title alone is more powerful and mournful than the track dead friend. people are too scared of critiquing works about close personal subject matter. sorry but sometimes songs about dead friends go on too long!. this could be nineteen minutes long as an album and it would be better.
my girlfriend disagrees but i want to be immortal for a little while. the problem is that i want to die at the same time as her. and i want at least three hundred years with her. i have spent most of my life scared or dead or alone and now i finally have someone who understands me in a way. she feels natural to be around. i want to get back wasted time and then some, i want to experience so much with audrey. i am scared that this relationship will crash and burn. im tired of trying to be loved. text makes me forget her genuine smile. she always gives a false smile in photos she takes of herself, her actual smile is so beautiful. the problem of love is that it's delusional and insane and wild and not at all rational. im so scared of getting old, but ill let myself grey for her. i do not understand why i love her. but as i write this i am crying. she forgets things but so do i, but i worry about it, but when we were together in real life we reminded eachother of what was needed.
anyway this is all to say that two coffins is a surprising decent song on this otherwise [imagine a bunch of angry video game nerd swears here] album. id rate this song maybe a seven point five out of ten. relistened to it two times after first listen. but now back to this bs.
paralytic states reminds me this is an album by an early transition trans woman, around year four you become chill and dont really write these things, at least in my experience. it's fine. im not getting mad about the fact im listening to it. the scenes of hotel life she describes i like. i want to read a book about a florida motel. i want to stay in a shitty florida hotel again. it's humid. the evening sky is beautiful and lonely. i am seventeen or so and in a few days i come out as nonbinary to my family. i get ice from the ice machine in the hotel, i pop it in my mouth. i would later that week get a vinyl record copy of liza minnelli live at the olympia in paris at the sarasota music archive, i listen to it or classical on the turntable my grandparents had. i miss that condo. they sold all my grandfathers records. i wish i got them. thats after the funeral. my grandfather told me to never become an artist when i was maybe seven. that sealed the deal. it was a trip for a funeral i believe. florida visits blend together. florida sucks shit and thats why i want to visit it with audrey. her favorite highway is interstate ninety five. she told me about how it stretches all the way down to florida when i visited her. i wish my relationship with my grandmother was better. i wish old people were better. i think id make a lovely old woman after a few hundred years of existence with audrey. the problem of having loved so closely, insanely, wildly, is that i know there is a slight possibility that one day i will look at these words about audrey and consider myself a fool. regard it all as a mistake. i hope i dont.
black me out is the final track. this is fun. in a way. maybe i feel that because i took a pause between songs. authentic art can be awful sometimes. again this one goes on too long. always weird when someone who (as far as i know) never worked as a sex worker compares someone they know to a pimp, as one who exploits. each song in this album can be "fun" or listenable if done on their own, but strung together without pause then wow it's bland. 2014, what a dire year for transgender art. this was about ice truckers. oh yeah the first track is fine. shes just mad about being clocky. catherine told me about how she wants to be clocky. it can be fun to be clocky in a world without gender. but then it's not clocky. i get wanting to pass. this album had to exist in the time it did. it is mid. it's not offensively bad, it's maybe a four, but if im being honest probably a three. but it had to exist because it is a first draft. it is every trans womans shitty first ep (never finished and not their first ep but is nonetheless still their first first ep) that they leave as a folder holding several audacity project files along with some txt notes on their laptop because they know they will not release this because "this is so fucking cliché man what the fuck was i thinking" she says to her partner but man it is good to have these reminders of a life once lived. a life of the necessary shitty first steps of art. this album takes the place of that. so you can get ahead a bit. shitty bad art is good tho. if in the service of something greater. this album. im unsure if it's in the service of something greater. it is. for a very loose community. but for laura jane grace?, im unsure. im just glad i dont have to listen to any more of a shitty punk album. this of course in no way reflects upon the moral character of laura jane grace. i heard once she was kinda a trans medicalist but whatever, shes a trans woman who came out in her thirties during the early two thousand tens, she is obviously going to have some susans place brainrot, would be surprising if she didnt honestly. but who gives a shit. let trans women be annoying.
4lung remixes of car seat headrest's "war is coming": THIS WAS THE WAY I FIRST HEARD THIS SONG. this is. im so tired. i love trans women. they face many difficulties tho. theres a hard and soft remix. theyre both great. 4lung made madlo before will did.
"i think the 4lung soft remix of war is coming is better than the original. im not sure if i believe this or if it's because it's funny.".
"ok. but. the 4lung soft remix is rocking. it's so. good. i love 4lung. shes goofy silly cringe trans woman. i respect her so much. i say this because im tipsy. like. people have been bent on destroying her for years and she fucking. just is out here being a dog making her silly tunes.".
"like. shes not amazing but I LOVE TRANS WOMEN. TRANS WOMEN ARE SO GOOD. TRANS WOMEN ARE ANGELS. SOME ARE BAD BUT I LOVE TUEM. i want to give every trans woman a hug.".
LES CHAMPS-ÉLYSÉES LES CHAMPS-ÉLYSÉES. THE 4LUNG REMIX.
i saw her,
hey hey hey, start over tetra.
oh alright.
i was scrolling down a timeline today,
and i saw an angel along the way,
i asked her what her discord is,
and fae said "cum with me"
she took me down this avenue
where we met some therians she knew
and there we tripped and stopped awhile
and passed the time away,
with a bit of help from miss lsd,
down the cringe rp logs,
down the cringe rp loys,
monday night, no nun sunday,
any night or any day
you'll find what you're looking for
on the champs-élysées,
sitting in the small diy venue
we heard the trans breakcore dj play
some remixes on her laptop
all night long
shes playing shitposty weezer
but the melody was so easy
now wе all got up and join the dog
we sang this song
down the cringe rp logs,
down the cringe rp logs,
monday night, no nun sunday,
any night or any day
you'll find what you're looking for
on the champs-élysées,
now the girls are dancing
and we all feel kinda silly
the morning sun has risen and
the [i couldnt figure out a good riff for this line] has gone
but still the feeling lingers
and still i hear the singers
as i walked along the avenue
and sing this song,
down the cringe rp logs,
down the cringe rp logs,
monday night, no nun sunday,
any night or any day
you'll find what you're looking for
on the transgender tl.
a note.
i dont think 4lung is a pedo. from what i seen. i could be wrong. she just seems to be a kinda "cringey" age regressor furry and some of her acts are sorta unsavory but man youd think from how people talk about her she was like. a super mega groomer. but no shes just a babyfur. a certain sort of art itself. is its own entire thing. but like. fuck man. it's hard to be a †√∆ΠΠ¥. like. i dont even think she has commissioned art of her characters in that way. anyone who is loudly very into cub art or lolicon or whatever is almost definitely shady as alllll fuck.
but whatever. who cares. jist. literally who gives a shit. like. keep it alone and away from general public and understand the ethics of images and art and how you arent entirely innocent. i dont think anyone should be judged on their thoughts. only their acts. the problem is that society at large is pedophiliac. people replicate that. i think that the suburban dad making weird comments is a more risk to children than the trans girl with a lot of internalized shame she had to work through and a sexuality she has probably already done the work needed to understand it and understand herself. people need to be encouraged to behave in an ethical yet functionally private manner with these matters. we need. a new lens for art. we need a new public understanding of what predatory behavior is. it's nearly midnight and i should sleep.
pessoa is in seattle doing ket or something and i hope she lives a good authentic ethical life that contributes to the movement to abolish that-which-is and establish a dictatorship of the pupletariat.
