after the talk we got burger.

we went out and got burgers and had an ice cream float. i cried and told it the things i love about it. i dont know whats happening or whats gonna happen. i rested upon it and felt good. i showed it interplanetary. i am thinking a lot of thoughts. i want to have sex with the world. by that i mean everyone. it played a cool rhythm game. i wasnt sure what to do. as in wasnt sure to go to art night, to robyns or home. went home and played skyrim. i want to hug thorn. and rose. and lily. hell even mithos. i want to talk to rivet. i want to talk to marcie. i want to talk to catherine. 

i am so used to being left and discarded and being too much. 

i wanna work another shift with matty. 

i want thorn to hit me so i know it loves me.

i am not sure if what i said is the truth. i am not sure if i want animal or human sort of relationships.

can i feel love?, what is love?. 

ve says love is an intuitive feeling. 

i have a life filled with the trauma of people exiling me and i dont think thorn understood that. and thought that me acting like that for the past two weeks was. me being mad that i didnt have access to it. rather than, just having fears brought to the surface. remembering sadie exiling me. rivet saying that she didnt want to be friends. remembering lina saying im evil.

i could perfectly have two weeks not talking to thorn. i wouldnt like it but i could do alright with it. it is just the terror of uncertainty. i know it wouldnt exclude me. but that primal fear exists so heavily. i am eating eggplant and it's good.