thorn/margo dont read this one.
went to picnic. talk with M. went to friendhouse. talked with Rose about DnD. fucked up in a way. maybe i should return to private entries for awhile or not record. im not sure i love thorn anymore. i dont know if i ever loved it but it's the middle of the night. i dont think it's love if i dont want the things that would give it the most happiness. i love how it smells but thats not love. this feels like how every love ive had collapses. i dont think im deserving of love, im not really a person am i?. dad got me takis and new paints today. went to hangout with Val and Tara. went to grocery store and i am sleepy. got up at eleven today i think. i think i called foura today. he is sad about his breakup and i understand. talked to thorn. i think. that after today im not really not message it. i know i said that yesterday but truly i dont think me messaging it is good for either of us. i want to isolate and do erp and work a job that lets me get vegan cheesecake. my writing is suffering from not reading. i have wasted my life and will continue to. tomorrow i am gonna clean my room and stuff maybe. oaugh. im weird. G sent me some great writing. i went to a birdhouse view show in the past few days and crashed at Robyn's and that was a mess.
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