the third.

read poetry and watched nichijou, called þorn.

i got fired recently. oh well. Sam and Mandy both messaged me. calling Mithos and Bram. i wonder what W.S. Merwin would think of Azumanga Daioh. there are too many seasons of survivor. straight male fujoshi are in for 2026. awful tepid birthday. so this is twenty five. i havent written enough. i love the world. trump kidnapped the president of venezuela. i need to clean. you can get up early and sit down and read for four hours if you really want to. 

ascendance of a bookworm.

today i did not go to work,

i instead before noon had already had alcohol.

maybe a bit of alcoholism is acceptable for a girl in winter.

regardless i have spent the past two days watching Ascendance Of A Bookworm. AoaB is an isekai about the rise of the bourgeoisie and the consequences of the printing press. it's also about an OP girl who is just so smart.

this is because unfortunately AoaB originates as a light novel. LNs love to feature overpowered girls that are just so smart, or overpowered boys that are just so smart. this is because a great many light novel protagonists are essentially Sherlock Holmes. 

i have a friend that watched all seven seasons of RWBY and stood there hoping it would somehow get better, or rather just thinking about how it could actually be something. for those that do not know RWBY is a web animation that is most notable for being "yuri bait" and "not that good" and "if you ever search up incest on ao3 you will find a fanfic of it right away". but the point is that the phrase "RWBY could be good" is true but would it get seven seasons, wait nine seasons, if it was good?. moreover would it be RWBY still?.

maybe.

the thing that strikes me the most about AoaB is that the medievalism is from my understanding actually good. it actually pays attention to guild politics, business interests, the actual labor required to make something. theres a part in the anime that is dedicated to Myne (op girl) and Lutz (her friend) having to get nails, and nails are not portrayed as trivial objects, the story treats them with weight. 

this is a welcome change from many isekai which just go "uhh idk" about production and the built world. 

AoaB actually does think through the questions about the built world. and it does concern itself with reality to a degree.

but, unfortunately, the prose is not good. after finishing the anime i decided to checkout the light novel and wuf. it's no Casablanca. 

i think however the prose could be good, it could take inspiration from Piers Ploughman or The Canterbury Tales but it doesnt. 

it is a series about a love of books and the effort put into them and it's got perfectly unremarkable prose. i dont really have anything profound to say about all this because this is afterall a blog for no one. 

i took an edible, a tiny sliver and my head spun. tomorrow i will probably go to work. i do not know where my passport is but i need to find it. i need to get away from this wretched town and into the arms of my lover. i am at a breaking point.

theres only so long i can do anything. my wandering heart alas.

there is no isekai where someone gets continuously reincarnated into new worlds each time, until they know too much, their mind adrift and full of knowledge of a thousand lifetimes.

i should sleep.

the twenty sixth.

some days you just sit around and watch Reincarnated as a Sword. i finished a long poem however. last night learned someone blocked me which isnt surprising but nonetheless. they mustve done it ages ago. i am a fool when drunk. not enough anime about logistics. or chinese love poetry. 

it's christmas day.

"I tried a cigar once, didnt like it.

it tasted bad and was hard to eat"

- Gertrude-sama.

last night i called with Temperance-san, Þorn, and Gertrude-sama along with Temperance-san's partners. it wasnt planned, just ended up calling late at night. Þorn usually goes to bed at six to eight at the latest, kept it up until after midnight. passed out on call. me and family headed to another house right now for christmas dinner. i would rather be on public transit in new york city. monday and tuesday were days of work. the young anarchist jazz pianist doesnt dislike me as much anymore i think. probably because we are bound together by hauling meat and cheese to a freezer truck after the power at the grocery store went down. he believes in the power of art still, i wish i believed in the power of art too. 

finished Engine Summer on tuesday and what a book, what a book. i have to imagine that if i was a professor i would somehow find a way to assign it as reading.

today i finished watching Chobits and love, what a thing love is.

im listening to Cameron Winter and this guy is good. 

i love you, i love you.

sometimes you jerk off and then read good poetry but it doesnt hit you because of depression. my life is a life of jerking off too much. 

i would go driving around if i could drive, id go driving across america and pull over and photograph houses and hills. 

you can look at the eyes of a cow online and even then you realize it is deserving of life. how much longer can i persist in this unethical life of meat and cheese.

im nearly twenty five, looking back being twenty was how most people feel at fourteen, im not sure what i feel like right now. if i could be a depressed grad student i would be. think of how many years of various existences have been spent transcribing texts. 

i have been thinking of becoming an air stewardess lately. i dont have what it takes but maybe for a few months it would be fun.

everyone in the industry of planes wants to fuck planes a friend said. i want to fuck the experience of air travel. 

we have arrived at the other house, i want to listen to music with Þorn. 

a problem is that im use to loving women and creatures that are far away, you start to measure matters of the heart in time zone differences eventually. i am trying to write poetry about anime. 

Managerial Mindset.

there is a manager at my work i do not like, but in a way respect her inhumanness, her forced smile, "right on" she says. i think she is not a person at work. i have to respect making yourself a uncracking persona. this is however of course a symptom of the society of alienation. im reading The Last London. she is a person that would have a harder time existing in London. in cities you are forced together, you cannot possibly wear that customer service smile like that.

apparently allen wake is just Twin Peaks. why retell a story like that. theres that quote by Steve Albini about sandwiches, thats also true with games and a lot of movies. you can go out and pirate a surrealist novella and you will enjoy that much more. 

i think to be a manager is to be inhuman, or the american kind. the leftist coworker finally seems chill with me. 

the new guy lives at a hotel for now. i hope he finds an apartment soon. 

in winter you (i) are slow. 

id be so good at running a pirate tv channel.

 First of all the only ads are ones for industrial equipment, you know, Chinese factory selling the machine that makes the holes in donuts or pushes the meat of a sausage into casing. no questions asked about the meat, because all meat is ethically the same. or ads you'd find in the Balkans, "hello and come down to my store", recorded 1993.

But the ads are there to tell you "im selling you nothing, nothing". and we only do ad breaks during live action shows.

forgot to say but most of the shows are animation, and when it's live action it is House dubbed in Spanish with subs in Tagalog. Friends but it's sped up  by ten times and we replace the sound with Ulaan Khol or Suishou no Fune (水晶の舟) or whoever me and the crew like that week. hell we dont need Friends, we play good things. Classic Doctor Who too, but that only has Farsi subtitles. you get the deal. Full House but theres also the Cosby Show playing in a corner and Mork and Mindy in a triangle (yeah we sometimes cut shows into triangles, we are that sort of fuckers).

We do show films on some Wednesdays and most Fridays, plus Sunday. 

But it would be reruns of Adult Swim, classic Anime, and hey why not just show some youtube videos we like. Hey we have documentaries about Georgia too, or Angola, countries that Canadians and Americans couldn't find on the globe. we show OVAs that only appeared in a dream, we drained the powergrid of some Califoria city to pull an anime about Hittite court politics and love into our universe. how did Red River never get an anime. But fuck you, we valvue you and culture so we bring you the best. Because I Love You. 

Anyway tonight we are doing every Rob Reiner film. not dubbed in Church Slavonic or anything because again we respect you and art.

reflections on religion and also a recipe for a good sauce for hot dog in baguette.

during this past weekend in boulder a man attacked a pro israel demonstration which was ostensively calling for the fifty six (LVI in roman numerals) hostages held by hamas to be released. this demonstration and those like it of course are not really about the hostages, they are the states' own simonino di trento. the attack resulted in no deaths and a dozen injuries (XII in roman numerals). the man responsible has one hundred and eighteen charges set against him, or CXVIII in roman numerals.

as of june fifth 55,223 palestinians lay dead. this number cannot be represented with roman numerals, a system where in conventional schemes the largest number that can be represented is three thousand, nine hundred, and ninety nine. the death toll for nine eleven is MMCMLXXVII in roman numerals. 

i havent been to a synagogue service in months. and i am not sure if i want to. 

i still censor g-d. i still avoid work on shabbat. i havent eaten pork in four years.

what am i.

the sauce is made of olive oil, horseradish, pepper, garam masala, indian silphium, salt, dijon mustard, mayonnaise, fried garlic, goat cheese, white wine, and any drippings from the hot dog.

on monday my boss asked me if i knew anyone harmed in the attacks. i said "i dont tend to hangout with people who are vocally zionist". this i hope is not an answer that is going to get me fired down the line. on past friday an old gay latino man who worked at the grocery store for fourteen years was fired. this was not for no reason, however it was also a coup. he was technically doing time theft. this however i did not care about. as long as we got out on time or at least before ten and he pulled his weight at least a bit he was fine in my book. he would smoke weed and drink with me and other people after work. most of them coworkers, one was someone who use to work at the grocery store (who is now banned from the store grounds). 

my boss played ween today. 

you make the sauce by using a food processor.

as of june fifth 55,223 palestinians lay dead. this number cannot be represented with roman numerals.

i met a multiplicity of women last weekend, who lives in the mountains. i kissed its hand and spoke in electric whispers for three days. i see this multiplicity tomorrow.

this sauce is not kosher, technically. i dont think i care. i dont think im able to care, it is animal, killed and used for human ends. the multiplicity of women would be vegan if not for other factors. i would be vegan if i didnt wakeup to calm green grass. i would be vegan if my job wasnt cutting up animals. im not sure if i would be vegan. i sure would like to be. 

i dont think i have moral permission to care about much of anything.

i learned yesterday that a girl i once had a long distance relationship with and a girl i once voice called often are both twitter mutuals with a detransitioner who once defended the iron guard (fascist group that was active in romania) and read too much evola. i am not sure if he still does fascist apologetics. i have the feeling she does. i do not respect most detransitioners, most i assume are nazis. i am not sure if i am allowed to care about this. i shouldnt be surprised, or. i allowed myself only a fleeting moment of surprise rather. all things make sense to me now. i have been alive since the late hadean eon. 

you make a hole in a baguette. you fry a hot dog. you toast the baguette in the air fryer that is next to the soda stream that your father bought. your father who does not support israel but nonetheless bought the soda stream. there is no G-d but the one that walter whitman called Freedom. there is no G-d but you HaShem, you who allows these things. 

as of june fifth 55,223 palestinians lay dead. this number cannot be represented.

i am not sure i can care. caring is for those who have not seen field after field of the rotting damned dead. i hope i can love this multiplicity of women. there has been a feeling i forgot in my heart. the feeling of those who arent entirely broken.

i did dishes at work today. i listened to music. the gen x man who led the coup looked like an animal running with a towel in his backpocket. theres already replacements for the lost manpower that was once the old gay man, the old gay man who i assumed was alive and active during the aids crisis. 

as of june fifth MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMCCXXIII palestinians lay dead.

you put the sauce in the hole. you put the hot dog in the hole. you watch asterix and obelix as you eat it. 

as of june fifth i began reading ulysses with a woman.

as of june fifth the world goes on. and on. and on.